DISCUSSION Questions & Prompts

We're stronger together. At least that's the way we see it. To that end, we encourage you to read ParentShift in tandem with your spouse, partner, co-parent or book club. Here are questions and prompts, broken down by chapter, to assist you in your journey. If you have the means and would like to deepen the experience, you might consider hiring Linda and Ty Hatfield to speak to your ParentShift Book Club. They can be reached at parentingheart@yahoo.com. FYI: Brown Paper Press, offers volume discounts to book clubs of any size. If you're interested, please email info@brownpaperpress.com.

ParentShift Book Club Questions and Prompts

PART ONE

Chapter 1:

Generally speaking, of the three parenting styles, which one do you typically parent from? Which parenting style did your own parents use? In what ways have you emulated them, and in what ways have you done the opposite? (Pages 10-12)

Why is it so hard to treat children the way we want to be treated? (Pages 19-20)

Chapter 2:

Share the top five words that describe your "ideal" child? Why did you choose these qualities?(Pages 21-22)

What are your short term goals for reading ParentShift as listed? Share any others that you may have. (Pages 24-25)

After reviewing the self-sabotaging tactics, report which ones are your common go-to tactics. (Pages 32-33)

What are some old habits or obstacles that may diminish your shifting to a more heart-centered parenting style? What are some ways to mitigate or reduce the obstacles?

PART TWO

Chapter 3:

Generally speaking, what are the top three withdrawals and deposits you make with your kids?(Pages 38-39)

Discuss your answers to "ParentShift Assignment: Add Your Own" (Page 40)

Share with the group ways you have made things fun around challenging issues with your kids. Share ways your kids have shown you how to make things fun. (Pages 41-42)

Share with the group your answers to "ParentShift Assignment: Hand Over The Reins." Can you foresee potential obstacles? How might you be able to prepare for the obstacles? (Page 49)

As a child, did your parents give you choices described on pages 49-50, or was it more of an "If-Then" threat?

What are areas you where you can give your child choices? (Pages 49-50)

What are some typical commands you give your child? Are you repeating any that your parents gave you? Finds ways to turn them into empowering questions or giving information, and report how this went. (Pages 51-54

Recall a GEM moment with your own parents growing up. Share with the group how it was to have a GEM with your child. (Pages 64-65)

Of the two legs of self-esteem, which one do you feel you could enhance when interacting with your child? Which one did you need most growing up as a child? If you had a sibling growing up, did they need more focus on a different leg of self-esteem than you did? (Pages 71-75)

Chapter 4:

If you made a pause button, consider sharing it with the group. Report how you have been doing with pausing. What has been your child's response to your pausing? (Pages 94-97)

Share your experiences with punishment as a child as mentioned in "ParentShift Assignment: Recalling a Time When You Were Punished." (Page 105)

What did you come up with regarding sensory experiences for your child? What helps you stay grounded? (Pages 112-113)

Chapter 5:

Share your top three or four feeling blockers that you use with your child. How has that created disconnection? What were your parents "go-to" feeling blockers with you as a child? How did you feel? (Pages 117-120)

Share your preplanned feeling acknowledgers that you wrote out for "ParentShift Assignment: Choose Your Five." How did it go with your child? What could you do to enhance them for next time? (Page 140)

Chapter 6:

What is an area that you take things too personally with your child? (Page 147)

What do you sweat the small stuff about with your child? What did your parents sweat the small stuff about with you?

Share your answers to "ParentShift Assignment: Identify Your Child's Developmental Stage" on page 151. How can you better respond to your child?

Chapter 7:

Share with the group two of your negative labels for each of your children. How would it change things if you used the opposing positive labels and perceptions? (Pages 156-157)

Share any insight you have discovered about your child's temperament and your own temperament from doing "ParentShift Assignment: Are you A Match?" (Page 163)

Chapter 8:

After completing "Thought Experiment, Part Two: Describe Yourself" (page 171), discuss how it felt writing, "Just like me." Can you see how this exercise can assist you in your interactions with your child?

Share with the group your answers to "ParentShift Assignment: Reflect On Your Last Conflict." (Page 180)

Chapter 9:

After learning about Child-Owned Challenges and Parent-Owned Challenges, where do you think you rescue your child too much? (Pages 186-189)

Reflect and share with the group how you feel when you see your child struggling and you want to step in. Could you be triggered by how you felt as a child when you struggled near your parents? Fill in the blank: "The next time I see my child struggling with a Child-Owned Problem, I will _________."

Chapter 10:

What boundaries did your parents not honor while you were a child? As an adult do your parents still intrude on your boundaries? Who else in your life intrudes on your boundaries?

Practice brainstorming with your group. List all the different ways you can improve your ParentShift Book Club. Make sure to add in fun and fantasy. Pair it down to some ideas that may work. (Pages 202-203)

Discuss how you have been judged or feel you may be judged if you adopt a heart-centered parenting style. Brainstorm ideas how to manage the judgement. (Pages 207-208)

Chapter 11:

Share your answers to "ParentShift Assignment: Name Your Struggles." (Page 216)

Do you have more systems problems or relationship problems? Why do you think this is happening? (Page 226)

Are there ways you will make changes regarding the use of electronics in your home? Do you have any modeling opportunities to improve on? (Pages 229-233)

Chapter 12:

Share with the group if your emotional needs were not met as a child and if you ever entered the Danger Zone. (Pages 247-249). Has this caused you to fear for your child? Do you think you overreact because of this fear?

Of the four levels of discouragement, which one resonates the most with you? Does your child end up in one or more of these levels regularly? If so, what can you do to solve this situation or challenge?

Which level of discouragement did you spend time in as a child growing up? What do you think caused it?

PART THREE

Chapter 13:

Take a current challenge and go through the ParentShift Solutions Process. Share how it went. What was the hardest part to implement? What part was easy for you? Can other members of the group offer give feedback to potential solutions based on their experience and what they've learned in the book? (Pages 278-284)